When you want to learn how to do something, one of the best things that you can do is to consult an expert. Someone who is highly respected in the field in which you would like to improve your knowledge. Parenting is no exception, so when I need some advice on how to raise my child, I like to find a knowledgeable guru to help guide the way.
Do I turn to one of the thousands of books written by people with degrees in child psychology? Do I search the respected parenting websites that help so many? Do I ask a trusted friend with older kids who has been through it all? No, nope and nay. Unfortunately for Popeye, I find my guidance in places that no one in their right mind would ever think to look. I get my parenting advice from pop culture.
Sure, you have to dig deep and read between the lines to find even the teeniest of useable nuggets. But when you do hit some gold, it makes it that much goldier (not a word).
For instance, here are 7 nuggets of goldish (also not a word) dad advice from Kanye West:
Translation: What many see as complete and utter nonsense, I see as a valuable life lesson. What I think Mr. West is trying to convey here, is that misdirection can get you out of a lot of jams and being completely full of shit can help you deflect the attention away from your mistakes.
How to use this advice: Your in a nice restaurant and your baby goes into full tantrum mode. You stand up, point to a nearby patron and scream “How could you do that to a baby?!?” In the ensuing commotion, grab the kid, and the cannoli, and bolt.
Translation: If you say something and no one listens to you, then say it again. If they still don’t hear you, say it louder. Repeat everything louder and louder until someone agrees with you.
How to use this advice: It’s probably best to not use this advice.
Translation: Time is of the essence and geniuses be too busy geniusing.
How to use this advice: Learn how to spell so that you never have to ironically embarrass yourself.
Translation: Why only stay one step ahead of everyone when you could be so, so, so much further.
How to use this advice: When the only thing clean in your closet is ripped sweatpants and an old stained t-shirt with pit stains, tell everyone they’re just not cool enough to get it.
Translation: Kanye is trying to teach us humility by having precisely zero humility.
How to use this advice: Remember that there’s always room for improvement. As good as you think you are at something, there is usually someone better. Even if there isn’t someone better, at least pretend like there is so that people don’t think you’re a douche. Full disclosure: People might still think you’re a douche, some things just can’t be helped.
Translation: You should be comfortable in your own skin. Even if your abilities are not nearly as amazing as you think that they are.
How to use this advice: Be confident, but don’t be over confident, because nobody will like you (see above regarding douche).
Translation: No need to translate, he actually makes a coherent (albeit repetitive) and valid point.
How to use this advice: Play with your child. In fact, I think I’ll go do that right now. Thanks, Yeezy!
Photo of Kanye West By Seher Sikandar for rehes creative (http://www.flickr.com/photos/rehes/3442172371/) [CC-BY-SA-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0) or GFDL (http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html)], via Wikimedia Commons
I told Kanye he is a douchebag and he threatened to kick my ass. So I said let’s consider the options blowfish.
1) I kick your ass and successfully sue you for a big chunk of change.
2) You kick my ass and I successfully sue you for a big chunk of change.
3) We kick each others asses and I successfully sue you for a big chunk of change.
He looked at me and said there was no way I would ever kick his ass and win in court. Well you may not see my face in the newspaper tied into some story about making a few bucks but then again you haven’t seen his face in the papers either now have you. 🙂
I was wondering how you find the time to write so often…
Writing is what I do for a living. The blog is a way to practice my craft. When you have done this for as long as I have it becomes easy.
Hahaha! Thanks for a good laugh, I needed that! That guy is crazy…errr, stupid, but I agree with you on the last one, playing with your kid is vital!
I guess there’s good advice hidden in all levels of craziness.